Memorial Day

Tonight I tried to explain to my kiddos why we celebrate Memorial Day. They asked me what does Freedom mean? Well, I did my best but somehow freedom has to be experienced to truly understand.

I think of my freedoms as an American and am blown away that I could have said goodbye to my husband AND SON in one of America's first battles. They sent babies out on those fields and they had to be scared out of their little infant minds. Or for the men and women today that leave their babies behind to continue to protect what I enjoyed tonight....movie nite and a slumber party in the large, air conditioned, peaceful place I call home.

I'm blessed beyond words by my Heavenly Father. I could list for hours His outpouring into my life. But instead, I just want to say Thank You, God, Thank you for placing me at this time and place, and I ask for forgiveness for not being as grateful as I should be every day for the freedom to live and to have eternal life bought and paid for me.

My prayer tonight is for those family members who struggle to live with the pain of a missing loved one in their life. God, comfort as only you can do. Bring them a peace that goes beyond their understanding and let them find that freedom of salvation that only Christ can provide.

The Perfectly Cleaned Room

OK, so today I got the idea to help the kids clean their rooms and have them take pictures of the "perfectly clean room" for a future reference guide. Pictures of each area of their room so that when I say I want your room "picture perfect" they will know what I mean. So, Brayden rocked. He did it just like I asked and took pictures of various parts of his room....




Ashlee, well, let's just say, that girl makes me laugh! She couldn't wait for her turn to take pictures....





How quickly she got off track of the project!!

Why do I do this???

I get so gun-ho (is that right??) over a new thing and then for the life of me can't keep it up. I have the started scrap books, the hand written journals, the facebook entries, and this blog sight that I can't keep up with. Why do I even bother sometimes and just when I decide to eliminate the blog, I begin reading my past entries and just can't bring myself to do it. One day I can print these out and have them as moments in time.

For now, well, Brayden is home sick while both kids enjoy an entire day of TV time and I find myself at the computer typing when in fact I should be doing any number of things on my list....oh, the list. Let's see, today it reads:

• Catch up on daily Bible readings
• Catch up on 31 day challenge
• Catch up on Wednesday bible study (actually starting it for this week is more like it!)
• Finish up on Monday Night's bible study
• Laundry (OH, the dreaded, never ending laundry that I thought I had JUST finished!)
• Weekly cleaning....really tho, can it be THAT dirty since I last did it last Saturday???
• Clean the dungeon....well, THAT isn't happening today. I'm afraid that if I did too much cleaning up and rearranging the walls may cave in from the termites...so, let the piles of papers and everything else just stay....strike that from today's list!
• Work on any number of other projects (scrapping, drawer organizing kids clothes for summer, card making, furniture re-finishing, weed pulling....)

OR....GO curl up on the couch with my sick little one and watch Curious George Movie....may not score any check list points, but it might score big on the Mommy points! Over and out!

October 3, 2009

It's been awhile. The last few months have been a whirl wind of emotions for me and my family. Well, the kids are just kids most of the times, but I notice little things still come up with even then when we discuss Gene's accident.

Today Gene left to finish what he started this January...to complete the Structure Colapse Course. I feel peace with him going, I know that he will be fine physically. However, I am feeling "weird" emotions with him gone. I can't imagine what it must be like for him to have to do this. I know that he is already concerned about being the "fifth wheel" in this and I'm sure nervous to show up to the "accident site". And I'm sure, as with all firemen, he's going to have to brush off quite a few jabs in the process. So with him gone, I miss him with a heavy heart. A heart that only God can heal in both of us.

I love you, Gene and yet again sorry for this. Good news is that it's almost done! We will be moving on with our lives very soon and we will get past this yucky "chapter" in our lives very soon.

Bible Study group!!!

I can't go to bed tonight before I let those of you who read this, but mostly my Father in heaven, know how blessed I am to have such a wonderful group of girls that I meet each and every Wednesday morning! It has to be one of the highlights of my week. To sit and share with some really special ladies the butt chewing we got while doing our studies together. Nothing like it!

God thank you so much for placing me at just the right time with just the right group of ladies. They are a blessing to me and have been there for me when no one else was. Bless their socks off!!! And thank you for caring for us so much that you use others to give us our weekly "butt chewin''! I only pray that each session isn't just for that moment, but for a lifetime! I want to be completely and totally tranformed into the person you designed me to be!

Brayden!!!

I could sum up Brayden this summer in 2 words...STAR WARS. Yes, this boy lives, eats, sleeps, dreams, talks star wars 24/7. I just this second told him to put away this darn blue bat that he carries everywhere with him. It's his 'blue lightsaver'. It is constantly in motion in one jedi pose or another, when of courese he's not tormenting his sister or any other bystander.


He has watched the first 4 movies with us this summer and eagerly awaits the last 2. (Yes, to all you out there in shock that he was allowed to see the 3rd movie...I too am a bit well...frustrated that he saw that one too. He won't be watching it again until he is 18 if I have a say. SIGH!) Anyway, I also am seeing them for the first time in my life and they are very interesting...except I too will wait to see the 3rd one again. TOO MUCH...ok, enough about that!

So, other than the movies, AND, I can't go on without mentioning the Legos...and the LEGO STORE...he chills in front of the TV or Wii, his other summer activities.

He is swimming GREAT now and is totally ready for the next level in swimming school. Just this last week he was seeing who could hold his breath the longest, Gene or him. And the new screaming under water, and SUPER throws by dad. WHAT FUN!

New news, well, other than getting an offer to switch teams on baseball this next season, status is pretty norm. I try not to think too much about him having to go back to school in about a month. I LOVE having him home with us. SUMMER ROCKS!! {ask me again by the end of August to see if this changes any, ;0)}

Ashlee!!

Some of Ashlee's summer highlights start with the excitement she felt the last day of school. You would think this girl was graduating high school. She danced and told everyone how excited she was to be on summer break, AND getting new sand!! She loves that sand box. I have a love/hate relationship myself, but she has not one complaint about it.

Let's see, she swallowed a nickle that in the end cost us out of pocket 130.00. 2 xray visits to CareNow and 1 visit to a pediatrician to make sure she didn't have scoliosis. I'm very thankful, that she is straight as an arrow, but had she been obedient, we could have saved a lot of anxiety for Gene and I!!

She had a fabulous time at the zoo with her family and extended family. She loved seeing all the animals and loved the fact that she walked everywhere just like a big girl.

She has closed a chapter in her short life. Tumblebugs is now over for her and she has upgraded to ASI in Allen. Much bigger/better/cheaper! She tells us that she goes there now because she is a bigger girl. She is now, after all, 3 1/2. Speaking of 1/2, she had her '1/2 day' last week. It was the highlight of her summer. She woke up that morning asking how old she was now, and with my response, she got excited, clapped her hands and told me how she was getting the special red plate and got measured today!! So, that we did. Her dinner request...steak, spinach and brown beans (aka ranch beans). We all enjoyed her AWESOME dinner selection as last year I believe her choice was oatmeal!! She grew 2 inches in 6 months. Amazing!

She also has begun writing. She finally feels she's a big enough girl to write her a's. And she does a great job. A few other of her big girl tasks are making her bed, cleaning her room, brushing her teeth (which gets help still, but she likes to think it's all by herself), helping me with dinner and setting the table, and opening the car door by herself, going to bed with little to no fighting, picking out her own clothes/shoes that match, bringing me laundry and putting her clean laundry away. The little things to us, are HUGE in her mind, and I'm proud of her new found abilities. I'm sure there are a ton more, but those are the few that immediately pop into my mind.

OH, goodness, I almost forgot, her first 'big girl bike'. She loves riding it, albeit, slow. A 90 year old woman behind the wheel of her old Catalac moves faster than she does, but she does love the princess bike nontheless.

My Ashlee girl is turning into quite the little preschooler. I could go on and on and on....but well, you know!! :)

Summer Time

Well, summer started off with a bang and we went flying! It's half over and so much has taken our time as a family. It's been fun and we've found a lot of cool things to do for little or no money. Somethings the kids have loved, others, well...not so much. BUT, I truly can say that I've been enjoying this time together.

Finally, the baby wants are over. Hormones...sigh! At times I miss my kids being little, but to add a third might be more than I can handle. SO...I've been really trying hard to take each day and look at where my kids are at NOW and ENJOY every second. I've stopped writing about it so much and just living in the moment. It's been nice. I do love my precious ones so much and when I slow down to really watch them where they are at currently I do see all the little changes, but also realize they still are my babies and will always be that to me. :)

So, so far this summer, we have taking people up on their offers to swim every chance we can get. The kids are swimming really well and will be ready for swim lessons that start on Monday. We've also hit every free meal we could find...even it required us dressing up like cows. Yep, I know, crazy, but we were able to eat a meal out that would have cost us almost 20.00 for nothing more than come time and cutting and taping. We've also gone for family walks and early morning park trips. VBS at Hope was fun and we have another VBS coming up in August. Fireworks twice this summer and let's see, um.....let's not forget sandbox and water hose in the back yard!! Movie week, and friends visiting/spending the night and um...Boz the Bear live to name a few of the activities. But I believe the best activity will be loudly shouted from the roof tops...playing legos and wrestling with daddy!! Yep, he's still the man that hung the moon for my kids...and me too!! :)

More entries to come and I have a ton of pics to post!

Mother's Day 2009

AMAZING! I have the most AMAZING kids! They honored me the entire day and I have never felt more loved! TRULY loved by my kiddos. From the first thing this morning with my little man wondering if I saw the special surprises to my little girl ending the night with "I love you, mommy". The hugs and kisses from both kids were unsoliciated and because of that, so special to my heart. They let me relax and only came to me to snuggle. WOW, great kids!!!

Ash was sad at first because "daddy didn't take me to get your blue shirt" and she had to give me shoes that she felt waws brother's gift to me. I never thought I would connect with my 3 year old as a girl, but today I soooo appreciated that the little things mattered to her. SWEET baby girl!! I won't forget your thoughtfulness at 3 years old. You are going to make so many people feel loved with your thoughtfulness as the years go by!!

And my boy, Bray, he was so excited about his secrets that he kept (and proud of himself to say the least). His present from school was so precious, and he read me a mom's day book that they put together from school. I also recieved my first "letter"from him. As he has gotten older, he's stopped holding my hand like he did as a little guy...I get the dead fish hand until the second he can break free...but today....today was my baby loving on his mama and I just drank it in.

And as for the coordinator....Gene did a great job making today labor free and it was nice to have a day to get some R&R and ended my evening with a very nice foot rub. I forget how much I love to have my feet rubbed...awwwww..... And a full tummy...salmon/risotta(bray's dish)/spicy corn(Ash's dish)/Salad and a glass of white wind for lunch...a 2 hour plus nap that I greated needed, then chocolate covered strawberries followed by my favorite sandwhich ever...turkey, bacon, smoked guda, quacomole, ranch hot panini's! YUMMO!

So, if you are reading this....you must be jealous about now because I simply have the best family ever! I love them so much and they are life to my soul! I love you GENE, BRAYDEN, and ASHLEE!!

OUCH!

So, you have those days...and sometimes many days upon days, that aren't so...well, FUN! Today was one of them. Gene got some news he didn't want. And then well, there's my 40 days of Love. Sometimes you feel like, "hey, I can do this" and then you get to step up to prove it. Proving it is a lot harder I'm learning. I have a long way to go!!

That's all I have the energy for. Hard day!

Learning to Love

40 days of Love is the new series that we are doing at church. It's a series of messages at church, meetings with our Life group and daily reading from The Relationship Principles of Jesus. I am on day 8 I believe and already I am being blessed by what I'm trying to learn. I've stopped myself in mid thought or questioned my words (before I spoke them) or motives several times this past week. How easily I find myself not wanting to do the right thing according to Christ's principles and following my own set of principles.

But, by the end of the forty days I'm expecting miracles. Not that I will make such great changes in my life, but that I will be willing to have enough faith in Christ to allow him to shine through me.

Each day I am challenged and I'm going to blog occasionally on which points really hit home on this 40 day journey.

Today....to don't give up on the "hopeless causes". It's always so easy for me to quit and say "I'm done". I think I do that often to keep myself from further hurt. But as I read today, I can quit loving all together and not get hurt by others and just in the end hurt myself for not experiencing love OR I can open myself up for hurt knowing that I might gain the life that love offers. SO, tonight I choose LOVE. I also choose to continue to extend LOVE to those who I've written off. I'm so thankful that Christ chose love over pain and never just wrote me off as I prove daily that without HIS love I'm the "hopeless cause"!!

Another Good Day

So the days seems to go by so fast adn I wish I had more time to sit and blog. I do really love it, but I've also tried really just "being" in the moment lately. BUT, Popeye just isn't doing it for me, so I snuck off to type a few words.

Today I had a great time with Ashlee yet again. I'm so glad to have some one on one time with her while Brayden is at school. We did some "craps" at the table where she made a catapillar and then decorated a bucket to look like a dog. THEN some play dough "sert" was in order. Clean up time was a bit frustrating as this girl isn't big on the cleaning up after herself. Motivated by the fact that no lunch would be offered until it was done, she conceded. We then ventured out to buy nanny's mother's day present and she LOVED it. Mommy, where can we go next she asked. BUT, my favorite part of the entire day was watching her and Brayden "wrassle". She loves him to pieces and he loves to beat up on his sister! ;)

Brayden is getting so big these days, reading books like crazy and currently working on quite the number list. He's writing the numbers out as high as he can go....415 was the last I saw. He did hold my hand walking home from school today only to quickly let go when he spotted some fallen tree limbs on the sidewalk. The treasures for the day. He had 4 large tree limbs that all were bigger than he was and he was determined to bring them all home. I loved it when the neighbor teenage boy noticed and said, "quite the stick collection you got!". He just grinned ear to ear with his find!

My babies are growing up so fast. Just last night I commented to Gene how I'm forgetting the baby days with them...you know the first crawl or the first bite of cereal. Or the first bubble bath in the sink or the first belly laugh. Why can't we freeze time forever. Why can't our minds and hearts remember all those precious moments forever...Why must we all grow older??

March 26, 2009-Ashlee...

SHEW, I'm tired...but I'm missing blogging and my house is quiet. BUT, I have to write about my little princess. She is now sleeping in her brand new bed. The one she will be in for several years to come. When we took her today to get her new mattress, I told her she was getting her new big girl bed. She was excited until we walked in the place...the mattress store. She said, "no mommy, these are mommy beds-not big girl beds!!" LOVE IT! Well, she was tickled pink when we got it home. We played pretend sleeping for awhile until I got hurt. Apparently if you don't wake up right away, you get hit in the head with a baby bottle. {not a happy mommy moment!}We aren't quite finished with the bedding and decorating her room but it is in process! More pics of finished room to come in the upcoming weeks I hope!

Also, I need to log some of her sayings, things she says that I don't correct her on cuz it's just so darn cute!

YUCKY...our little dog

Chicalay...our favorite fast food place

Yemonade...our favorite drink at our favorite fast food place

look way up high....tilt your chin up

sweet lil baby boy....our dog

cutie cutie....our dog

awwww, how CUTE!....anything little

a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,k,k, elemenopede....ABC song (note 2 d's and k's in her song)

anything in a really high voice....pretty princess talk

cinderwewa....her favorite princess ever

baby whyder...her little cousin that is almost as big as she is

A few things I love about her is her belly laugh. That brings tears of joy to my eyes every time I hear it. Her perfectionist ways in the most unusual places. Her tender heart. Her determination (God remind me of this in years to come.) How she's right so much of the time. Her memory is beyond words! Her love for her new friend....yucky boy! Her excitement to give you a "special prize", even if it is just a pretend something. Her singing in the car. Her prayers to her Jesus!

I had a great time shopping with her today. The best thing all day was when she told me at the store..." we both are going to be mommy's today in this store" I thought she meant by walking and not riding in the buggy. Then I later commented for her not to touch and her response. "Yes mommy, I can touch cuz I'm a mommy in this store too like you and that means I can touch everyfing!!" LOVE IT! Only Ashlee!! {and no, I didn't let her get away with it, she did get her lecture on how she is only mommy at pretend times and that she couldn't touch}

I love you, my precious little girl! You will always be my baby!!

Sad day...Brayden got in trouble at school.

I am sad. Brayden got in trouble at school yesterday and I didn't know anything about it until tonight. (email problems) He got busted for peeing on the side of the building at recess instead of using the toilet INSIDE the building like he is suppose to do. Thankfully his teacher just emailed me a heads up and asked us to talk with him...and we did. Disrespect to school property, disobeying rules (however, I don't think I ever thought to go over...no peeing outside or on the building because you don't want to take time to go inside.), and apologizing to the teachers for doing what he did. SIGH. My point from the past I think was made...you can let him be a boy and it's fun peeing in the bushes in the country, but at some point he must realize that when a toilet is available...HE MUST USE IT!

He should have gone to the principal's office and I'm thankful his teacher is such a gem to over look this. I would hate him not even out of Kindergarten having a "record".

February 15th-Valentines Day

Well, I'm home with just Gene and trying to regroup before the kids get home....and the dog. The last few weeks have been a blur to say the least. I'm thankful today that I'm only now suffering from allergies, but the sore throat and chest pain is gone!! I had a great time with Gene this weekend. It was nice to step out of "reality" for a short time and just be. Sleep...wow, I never thought I would treasure it so much and I thankfully have gotten a good amount this weekend.

It was a fun time for Gene to see all his friends at the Fire Department banquet. I was happy to see him happy again. My husband needs people around him and these last few weeks have been miserable for him. Everyone at the FD have bent over backwards for us and for that I'm forever indebted to their kindness. We came home a day early to save the money of the hotel room, and I have to say, it was nice to be able to sleep and lay around in my own home. I actually just today started to let the mess get to me....so that was 24 hours almost of just laying around and watching TV with Gene. I also have to mention that I took him/he me...whichever, to Cheesecake Factory yesterday on the way home for our Valentines/Bday meal. It was so yummy, but I ate entirely WAY TOOO much. Then we topped off our lazy day with Whataburger at Gene's request. I had to be rolled to bed that night.

Tonight...Family Valentines Day Fun....a day late...actually...that was my plan from beginning. Gene was suppose to be out of town. Steak Salad and onions for dinner followed by treasure hunt around the house to find goodies and ending with Chocolate Fondue Fun! Can't wait!

And last thought for the day...Gene's leg. He has been VERY good at obeying doctor's and wife's orders since his second surgery. So much so that I hope and pray that his recovery is much faster. BUT, we have a concern. We noticed Thursday some more bruising around the incision and some hardness. I pray to God this is normal and not another hemongioma. We will know for sure tomorrow after the appointment.

February 4, 2009

So this morning I started my day off at 4am with 2 loads of laundry a shower and finishing up the things that needed to be ready to go by 5:30. Gene and I headed to the hospital (by the way I stopped at starbucks and got my triple venti mocha) and was ready for surgery by 8. Pastor John and Craig stopped by to visit Gene before surgery and we both were very blessed to have them there.

Surgery was a little longer than anticipated and it was because the muscles had torn from the stitches and the 2 fisted sized hole was filled with a very large blood clot. The doctor stitched him back up and came out and saw me. He said that this was a very serious situation. HE HAD TO BE A PATIENT or else. The chances are high that if he tears this again, a blood clot could start again and go into his vein to his heart and to his lungs and that he couldn't fix.

So, my dilema, making my husband obey doctor's orders and I have to be the officer to make it happen! HA! Like he listened to me the first time around!!

Complete immobilization for 4 to 6 weeks. Only trips to the bathroom to do his business (by the way no shower until after Monday!) and he can sit in a recliner or lay in bed. PERIOD. Meaning, NO WEIGHT on his leg.

Oh, and me...I went on an eating binge and now feel terribly blech! Not that that was going to help but I had the "heck with it attitude" when this pink eye and cold set in this afternoon. I will repent before I go to bed tonight....SIGH!

Lord, help me be a good listener so that I can learn quickly what you are trying to teach me in all this.

February 2, 2009 (actually 3rd early am)

Well, I'm really bummed about the new surgery on Wednesday. I don't think it would be so bad had I not been front row on how bad Gene comes out of surgeries. I hate that he has to go thru all this again just when he finally is able to start feeling better and on the road of recovery. Got the wound looking great and no infection, only for it to be cut open again.

I also was hoping to finallly get our home back to normal again, as well as being a better, less stressed wife and mother. I hate how short my patience is with my kids and husband at times. But my mouth just seems to vomit out terrible attitude before I can stop it. My kids have been incredible thru this and I don't seem to give them "kid credit".

Brayden has been mopy these last few days. I know it's because daddy is hurt and of course the upcoming jump rope contest...he can't do it YET, but I'm making him practice each night. I'm sure he hates me for it, but I hope that he will gain confidence in being able to jump rope one day real soon. Ashlee seems to be rolling with the punches and wants me to take a picture of daddy in the hospital so that she can see him there. She does miss play time in her room and I struggle finding the time and energy to join her. (not to mention that every time I go in there I am frustrated with the disaster in there. one day we will get her a matress and get her room figured out.)

OK, I might be tired enough now to go back to bed before I have to start another day. Amazing how tired I am these days. I have to stop cheating on my diet and get back to taking all my suppliments.

-20 up to -18

Sigh, I've tried hard not to go for all the yummy foods that surround me the last week. I was so pumped when I got home from the hospital at -20! How incredible that little secret felt for those few days of our home chaos, but then I started eating again once I got home...sigh, eating why must we do this....and I put back the 2 I had lost. I don't know if was the ice cream I ate even tho I knew better or the other bites here or there I snuck. And so to top it off, what do I go and do...Starbucks Grande 2 pump Mocha, no whip, no foam on the way home from getting Chicken Express. Why does my mind think that food will make me feel better????

Well, I'll finish my coffee and back at it right afterwards. No more sneaks today for me!


Update: I did get those extra 2 pounds back off. Then I ate pizza last night...sigh!

Making card for daddy.

This pretty girl asks daddy every day if he's better and is going to walk now. I know it kills him, but one day she will learn that even tho daddy had a long time "not walking", it was so much better than not having a daddy.

February 1, 2009 1 Week after Surgery

Day after surgery.

Wednesday after surgery.

Friday after surgery.

Sunday 1 week after surgery.

January 31, 2009

Last night was a terrible night. I believe it was Gene's emotionally worst ever. We had been told several days AFTER we had been home how we should have been keeping house "sterile". How in the world were we suppose to do that. It was near impossible, and why in the world [I must add right here that phase is not what I'm currently thinking!] didn't anyone mention that earlier into this!!!!!!

Anyways, we tried to get going the best we could and it hurt me so bad to see Gene so upset. I quickly emailed some and text others for prayer. He so desperately need it! Thankfully several people came by to talk, pray and spend time with him. It helped tremendously!!

He finished the night out as a new man. He played with the kids as best as he could from the recliner, made some adult remarks about me while I showed the kids how to jump rope and finished his night off with watching some Popeye and doing a bit of computer work.

Even tho I have been so busy with little time to sit (I try to catch up on Facebook and blog as my outlet these days) I would do this a million and one times over again as opposed to my alternative I could have had.

I might also add that many peoples true colors have been shown the last few days. Amazes me!!

January 28, 2009

I'm numb. I feel helpless with how to help Gene. He's so sick with nausia and vomitting. His body jerks even when he sleeps. I had to remove his bandage today and if it wasn't for a fellow fire fighter that showed up at just the right time, I don't know how it would have gotten done. It killed me to rip off the bandages, knowing the pain that it was inflicting on him.

I want to make it all stop, the pain, the vomitting, but I can't. I want to be mad with God and tell Him to make it all stop, but I can't. I can't stop wondering if I did pray or not for Gene that morning and if that would of made a difference.

But I do know one thing ... My Redeemer lives and He is my strength and my comfort even when I don't feel strong or comforted. He is my help in my helplessness. My peace in the storm.

Tonight, Jesus, let Gene feel that, your presence with him during this incredibly difficult time. Continue to heal and protect and provide fresh life to my husband. And Father, protect my children as well. Bring comfort and peace to their precious, innocent little hearts. I love you, Father! In Jesus precious name, Amen.

January 27, 2009

Tonight I'm more than exhausted, but can't find rest. I don't want people around, yet I don't want to be alone. Love my kids beyonds words, yet need a break. Should be sleeping, but find myself here.

3 days ago I could have been a widow, but I sit here and thank Jesus even now for His mercies and grace that allows me to married.

This entire experience has drained me and yet Christ continues to keep me strong. My house is quiet, yet I hear all the words of love and encouragement that I continue to receive.

Sunday, 12:30 pm I recieved a call from an officer with the A&M training director that Gene had been seriously injured. He had been doing a drill and it went bad. He buried a 10in blade skil saw in his inner thigh. He isn't critical, but that I should be advised that it was serious. I received a second call from one of Gene's men. Again, confirmation of previous news. I struggled with should I stay, and if I go, what do I do with the kids? How do I get there? Where is there? Do I pack anything? If so, how much...what? I don't ever remember so many thoughts at one time fly thru my mind. Decisions that I had to be completely responsible for, people I was responsible for... After a good while of running around gathering some of this, fixing that, calling, texting, facebook, I finally felt pulled together enough to head on the road. Mom coming with me was this biggest help. Even tho I wouldn't let her do anything, the company was needed. Thanks Mom!

I arrived just before the surgeon came out to give the update. I was greeted by a man who was shaken to the core...a close friend to Gene. He attempted to give me the details and did so well for what he had witnesses less than 4 feet from him that day. A skil saw flinging his Captain from where he was finishing the last cut for the day to 6 feet across the ground. EXTREMELY dirty saw blade in his leg, filthy gloves shoved in his opened leg, Gene's hand holding his own femur bone begging the guys to use a tourniquet. Hearing about the intense pain he was in not only in his thigh, but in calf and foot.

The surgeon arrived and began to tell us the details of the clean up. I tried hard to listen to all he had to say, but it's all a fog. He was fine and that is what was important. The nurse OK'd me to go see him in ICU. The entire way in she told me over and over again how he was ONE LUCKY MAN!! As I walked in and saw him there, all I heard was not mearly words but was reality. Gene was bandaged from thigh to foot and in excrutiating pain. I barely held it together. The room spun, and my stomach churned. I was either going to pass out or vomit or both! Gene was out of his mind talking about how he failed miserably, no longer a firefighter, money problems....But all I saw was the man that I love more than anything thing else in this world...ALIVE!

I felt like a robot the rest of my time there. Trying to be the best hostess I could be in the hospital greeting all who blessed us with visits. Amazed that so many people cared for my husband and his family. People who drove for 3+ hours to just check on him. Phone calls pouring in, arrangements made left and right for our comforts, favors being pulled, rank being used to help us. We are blessed!!

Now to the details....
10 inch laceration to the femoral bone in the inner thigh, thru the subcutaneous tissue, fascia, and muscle. The two muscles that were pulled and torn from his leg was the gracilis and sartorius muscles. (being the skil saw had teeth, this was FAR from being a clean cut...enough said).http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sartorius_muscle
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2083/1965869316_2a1327f420.jpg
This last picture shows you how incredibly blessed he is to be alive. Note the veins and arteries and nerves that were unharmed!! (And of course the family jewels are all accounted for!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gray549.png

So, as I wrap up this long post, I will sleep next to my husband tonight as I whisper prayers of thanksgiving to my Father in heaven who so graciously gave us today together!

My new "diet"

I hate calling it a "diet" but it's the best term that people understand. I don't want to even say life style change because I hope to enjoy coffee again someday (and not the way I take it right now...but I won't talk anymore about that!). But the last 21 days have been difficult at times, but not ever impossible. I am starting to notice some "lessened" pains in my toes, foot and shoulders. Today I am minus 15 pounds and man...a lot more to go! Will people notice, no-I can't say that I even notice, but the number does make me happy to continue on my journey. Here's some of my do's and dont's:

yes to most meats
yes to most veggies
yes to some beans
yes to some nuts
yes to 64 oz of water a day
yes to herb teas
yes to stevia
yes to whole wheats free of yeast and sugars
yes to fish
yes to 20 pills a day of herbal remedies, RX and detox pills
yes to drinking iodine solution and acidity reducer solution
yes to limited brown/wild rices made from scratch

no to sugar, sugar substitues
no to white unless it is cauliflower
no to vinegar
no to any processed, packaged, canned, jared foods
no to coffee
no to dairy
no to fruits
no to some nuts and veggies
no to some meats

(I would like to add that my "yes" column was longer than my "no" column! That was not the case when I started!!)

I am excited to have found I can have Chipotle. I've done tons of research on what they put in their foods and excited to know that what I eat there is vinegar free, msg free, bad stuff free!

I hope that by Feb 14th I will have lost another 10 pounds and be able to celebrate with a grande mocha for my valentines day celebration. In doing this I know that I will add another week to my strict "diet", but I think it might actually be worth it!

More posts to come!

Date Days!

So, in preparation of Gene being gone for a week and a half, we thought it would be good for each of us to have individual quality time with him. I got to go to dinner, wandering around in a furniture store and life group first. It was a good time for us to just be.

The next day, Brayden got his daddy day. He chose to go bowling and was really excited that daddy got him ice cream there too. Afterwards they got to go exchange for a new Wii game. SO boy stuff!

Meanwhile I took Ashlee with me to do some grocery shopping in her tiny grocery cart. She was so determined to do it herself and so proud of all the fun things that we got to bring home for daddy's trip and our family dinner.

Then, the next day we switched kids and Brayden took me on a date to the movies and to Chic Fa La. He was so super sweet. Held my hand in the car and everything. He was nervous that he was going to have to use the money that daddy gave him to buy my tickets. We went to eat first and he asked "are you buying this?" and I told him yes, and relief all over his face..."I don't think daddy gave me enough to do both!". I ordered his food and since I can't eat there, I watched him eat. Normally he is all about eating and getting back to the play place, but that day he asked me "mommy, where's your food?" I explained I couldn't eat here and he told me that I could have as much of his food that I wanted. At that moment, I decided he needed an ice cream to wash it down with. And that he did! The movie was incredibly packed but we had a great time.

Ashlee took daddy shopping. She wanted to go to the mall. Gene let her take her baby stroller and she pushed her baby AND talked on the phone for an hour and a half! She got to look in any stores she wanted and came home with a pretty braclet. She also got to ride the horsies 2 times! Afterwards it was a lunch at Chicken Express (her and daddy's spot!) and so was so pooped from her shopping experience she didn't even want to eat. She asked to go home and take a nap! And that is just what she did.

We all had so much fun that I think this is definately going to be an ongoing thing.

Mr. President Obama

Well, He is now officially the 44th President of our country. The inaugaration ceremonies were long, but being that Brayden was home sick from school, we got a chance to watch them together. Brayden tried hard to act interested and try to understand the big event going on. He would get frustrated with me when I would say that he is our first black president and say "he's not black mom, see his skin is brown". Then the question came up of why I didn't want to vote for him and we discussed that briefly, but I told him, that now God instructs us to respect this man as our leader and we are to pray for him every day because he SOOO needs are prayers. And how does one teach their children to respect a man's position even though he is against some of our most core fundamental values?? Especially when I struggle myself!

The day before we had a date day to Chick Fa La and the movies. I taked with him about Martin Luther King Jr. and why this man was important for our country and how the next day this man's "dream" would come true by us having the first black president.

He so struggled with the thought of people being mean to others because how they look and kept asking "why". AND that really it wasn't so long ago that it all happened.

So after 2 straight days of history lesssons with mom, he goes back to school on Wednesday and again learns more. He was so excited when we picked him up because he talked about the same man in school and brought home a book about him.

I love those mommy moments!!

Well...catch up is always good...

Goodness, where has January gone. It's already half over. I keep hoping that the work load will slow down enough for me to get a book to read or a chance to truly put my thoughts down. No such luck. How does it always end up busy? I try hard to chill and then a million and one things go thru my mind...taxes, organizing this closet or that drawer, thank you notes that are well over due, playing with the kids.... Then I find myself so overwhelmed that here I sit, writing it out hoping that something will get me motivated to "finish" so that I can sit and read.

So, as of today, I'm going to start limiting my time in my office unless I'm doing actual WORK and less time on Facebook. Man, that sight is so addicting, but to be honest, it's nice to see what friends and family are up to these days. BUT, I can do that still without having to check it constantly.

So, today I plan on playing with my kids, running my errands quickly and getting thank you notes done. Anything beyond that is extra and bedtime will be 10pm (unless I find myself reading!)

Christmas 2008 Part 2

Meet the new member of our family....Lucky, or as Ashlee likes to call him "yuckEEE!"






Santa delievered him late Christmas eve and he was a perfect surprise the next morning. The kiddos were a bit in shock as to first, is that a dog? second, is he ours? third, do we get to keep him? It took a few hours to warm up to him for both kids. Brayden is still trying to get over being scared of animals from previous occasions with not so friendly ones and so the fact that this little pup wanted to lick every square inch of his face was a bit too much at first for him. Ashlee also didn't like him jumping on her at first.


BUT, after a short rest time for everyone, it was mandatory play time with Lucky for both kids. They quickly learned that if you run and call his name, he will chase you. Then Brayden became comfy enough to crawl on all fours. This turned into a good 30 minute chase session until the pup crashed. From that point on, both kids will ask where he is if he's not in the room and both are happy to have a new puppy. I'm a bit on edge when he isn't asleep or with Gene making sure he doesn't pee. I hate this part of a new dog, but I know that if I'm diligent, he will get it eventually. Today the bell gets hung by the door, and who knows maybe we can break the "Potty trained in 14-16 weeks" and have it done by 10 weeks like Gabe was. (I've accidently called this little guy Gabe a time or two.) I'm hoping Lucky will be a great addition to our family. A friend and companion for my kids as well as teaching tool for them, kindness, responsibilty...you know, life lessons.

Christmas 2008 Part 1

There is so much to write about and I've had very little time to do any of it, so I plan on a few blurps every few hours and maybe I can get across our family Christmas.

This year has been a different type of year for me personally. I can feel God beginning to do some churning in my spirit on what is potentially in our near future for our family, and why it hit me in the middle of this busy season is beyond me. (actually, when the fire is applied, the junk rises to the top, right!) Anyways, I started this season off as a bit of bah humbug, struggling to fight the comercialism and yet also wanting to give to world to so many people. I also felt like I was the constant janitor prepping the house for this or that and afterwards, the explosions that were left in it's wake....But after the last of the gatherings are over, I feel like we had a marvelous time.

Gene was home almost the entire time and it's going to be hard to let him go back to work tomorrow. He has been incredible this year, doing his best to do what most husbands wouldn't dream of doing! He truly is one of the most special gifts from God this year to me!

Brayden has proven that in the mist of all the fun and excitement, he still has a little child's heart and is still my little boy. He may struggle to be one of the big boys, but he still loves to be licked in the face by a 1.6 pound pup and still lets me hold him close (when no one is looking of coures ;0). My second gift from God to me this year!

Ashlee (shew-this girl has been giving me a run...3 is almost here!!), she is all girl, girl. Sassy and all, but she is also exploring new emotions this year. The excitement of Christmas was perfect for her and her dream world that she has begun to enter. Her desire to wrap up a pretend baby Jesus in a dish rag and carry him every where with her is my most favorite memory from my third precious gift from God this year!

And my other family that I won't mention all by name as I'm starting to hear screams from the living room as brother is hunting down sister and her "friends" to shoot!!! Family....close members to me and those not so close, those who try their hardest to show me that they appreciate me with words and not with words, another gift from God!

And my friends, they know who they are, those that are here for me, even when I'm not being so friendly and are truly caring to me and my family's needs, they are my other gift this year!

So, there might not have been tons of wrapped presents under my tree (I had plenty of those), but the gifts that I do have will last, I pray, a lifetime for me!

Thank you Jesus, for coming to the earth and leaving your throne so that I might be able to one day soon see you face to face and call you my Lord and Savior...and say THANK YOU for all my wonderful gifts this year!

OH, here are the apples....

46 ordered, 12 made prior to christmas, 10 for me to give out. 68 apples total, plus the ones I help make with a friend.

I have them also in the bottom drawer of my frig. The only food space was the deli drawer, the fruit drawer and the door shelves!

Tis the Season

Season for what? Crazy schedules, non-stop hustle and bustle, stressing over decorations, getting the right pictures taken, setting up for "the" party....

At the beginning of this holiday season, I struggled with all this. Internally I knew the full reason for the season, but it was hard not to get caught up in all the things that had to get accomplished. And of course the DREADED APPLES!! Now, don't get me wrong, I love making the apples when I get to give them as gifts, and I love to help others in giving gifts, but it truly was a job this year that paid little. BUT, after 2 intense days, they were finished and yesterday I only have apples left in my frig to give away personally. YAY!

The work for the party coming up is still ahead of me, but I finally have the stress of it all gone. Yesterday was a turning point for me to step back and "chill". Maybe it was the fact that Gene is on vacation or the fact that the kid's rooms have had their yearly pre-Christmas purge or the fact that we sat down as a family and had a REAL meal together or maybe even watching Ashlee pretend she was Mary "pregnant with baby Jesus". Or maybe it was none of those things, I don't know. (Funny, I didn't mention shopping once in all that ;0) I do know that I woke up this morning eager to get today moving forward...I'm ready finally on December 18th, to celebrate the birth of my Savior!

Thank you, Jesus, for your peace today!

The wheels on the bus go round and round....

FIELD TRIP and BUS RIDE!!

Brayden and I went on his very first field trip yesterday and I think his highlight was riding the big yellow bus!! We headed to the Dennison Elves Tree Farm. I wasn't suppose to ride the bus do to space, but there ended up being plenty of room and I took the option of riding with him. At first he didn't want me to sit near him and I opted for the back of the bus, but then his teacher told me to come up and sit by him because "that is the fun of it all!" I was worried that it bothered him, but I think after seeing his face he was excited to have me with him. This new level of independence from him keeps me on my toes...allowing him a little bit more room and extending that boundry line is hard on mom's heart strings!

So, after about 15 minutes of listening to kids point out the "target that I go to" and the "McDonalds I like" we began the all important "I spy" game. Funny how they look right at the object that they are spying. hehehe!

The tree farm was fun and the poor gentleman was trying to give 60 kindergarteners a biology lesson on the life cycle of a tree when all they wanted to do was RUN thru them! The hay ride was also fun, although I caught my son several times trying to hold girls' hands under the blankets.....[needle across the record kind of screach!] WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT COME FROM???? Without being psycho chaperone mom that I felt like inside, I quietly told him SEVERAL times to put his cold hands in his pockets and LEAVE THEM THERE! That was definately one surprise element on the trip.
You will notice the little boy in the red jacket, that is Jacob, Brayden's partner. Note: Brayden was to stay will his partner at all times. Jacob was always telling me "Brayden keeps running away and not staying with me!" Note 2: Each kid would race to the next tree to see who could find the price tag first and read how much it cost.

So, back to the trip. Weird kind of tree puppet show followed the hay ride and tree farm tour, then off to the life sized rat maze, petting "zoo", playground and picnic lunch! He loved running thru the maze and trying to find his friends and feeding the goats dead leaves. Lunch was a nice surprise as I packed some Cheetos (his fav) and some cookies for us to share. He quickly turned to his partner next to him and asked if he had a dessert because he had enough to share with him if he didn't!

The ride back to school was roudy because we sat in the back. I had a venti coffee and a large water on my bladder and we did a TON of bouncing. Brayden enjoyed the moment and added a few extra big bounces of his own.

All in all, a perfect first field trip minus a few unexpected hiccups. I'm so glad I got the chance to go!

Making Memories

So, while I should be cleaning my office, I find myself wanting to jot down some thoughts. I just finished cleaning the kitchen for the 3rd time today. The kids and I decided today at the store to make our own "movie munch". So, I grabbed some of this, some of that and had them say yes or no to items. We were getting ready to go spend some time with daddy at the firestation and watch a Christmas movie. We all miss him so much after being gone for 3 days.

Anyways, so there we are in the kitchen making movie munch. Popcorn popping, pecans toasting, chocolate melting, chex mix/pretzels/marmellows being mixed by 3 year old fingers and then there was the nibbling, chocolate flying (yes I said flying), powder sugar making smoke in the kitchen....good times.

I wonder, what will they remember most from today if anything? What will I remember most? At times, I think I would remember the mess that I had to clean and the fact that when we watched the movie, they really didn't eat hardly any of it....What I hope they remember is shopping with mom for fun foods, standing at the island getting to make and eat junk food and heading out at "dark time" to go see daddy and sit in his office while he was working.

Do they remember the times more when you've planned all day for the perfect moment and it doesn't quite go the way you had planned or the times like today where we just went where the moment took us?

Memories... my mom always tried her best to help us make some and unfortunately they have backfired on her a time or two. Will these moments also backfire on me? How do you prevent that from happening? I may never know and only hope and pray that maybe the more memories I try to make, there will be fewer memories that do backfire on me one day.

Some of my good memories are...

• Waiting up after my brothers and sisters went to bed to say good night to my mom after she came home after a long day at work.
• Opening 1 present on Christmas eve after we were all snug in our jammies.
• Letting us get up at 4 am to open Christmas presents, even tho I know now that they most of the time didn't get to bed themselves until 3!
• The dreaded peanut butter balls...I'm still not sure if that is a pleasant memory! ha!
• Having dad at my games.
• Pink mashed potatoes at Valentines day.
• Buying make up at every grocery trip and yes even BLUE mascara!
• Sneaking away for a Braums twist even when neither of us really "needed" it.
• Having crazy slumber parties with food fights and all...not so much for the smell of pancakes cooking at 7am, however.

And so, there are a few things that I can still remember from the day. I hope that both my kids will be able to rattle off times too when they are my age.

Funny moments

Well, here a funny moment that I had today. Brayden and Ashlee were coloring. Brayden brought me up the Disney book and asked what he was suppose to do on the page (activity pages). I read it to him...

"Draw your favorite Disney character"

His response...
"Mom, how do you spell Obama?!"

That is priceless!

Racing Cheetah

This week in school, Brayden learned about the Indians. As a group project the parents were in charge of coming up with an indian name for our children. The first word was a word that described our son, the second being an animal. Gene felt RACING CHEETAH would fit him best. Those of you who know Brayden, it's all about being fast...no, not fast....THE fastEST! And as soon as he learned that the Cheetah was the fastest animal in the world, he has loved them every since.

Well, last week, I emailed his teacher to see how he was doing. Make sure he was still on track and doing well in school. Here is her observations...

"The only thing I have noticed lately is that he is hurrying through his work and with reading. He wants to be the first one in the classroom and the first one finished with his work. He is also in a hurry when we move from table to carpet or lining up."

So, you decide, did we pick the right Indian name for our guy or what!!??

We are now working on when it's a good time to race and be first and when it's most important to focus on the task at hand and it's OK to not be first if that means he's doing his best.

TURKEY DAY!!

So, today, Brayden and I had alone time. It was great to have a chat with him. Lately, it's been at best a struggle. Gene and I are in prayer yet again on how to handle the new phases of a 6 year old.

Anyway, in our chat time, we discussed what Thanksgiving meant. The pilgrims, indians and being thankful. In the end I told Brayden about all the things I was thankful for and asked him what he was thankful for, his response was {drum roll}

"TURKEY!!"

Really? Turkey, that's it!?

"Well, I'm thankful for Turkey, but I don't like to eat it."

So there you have it folks, the moral of the story is you can be thankful for certain things without having to like them! Straight from a less complicated life of a 6 year old!

Mommy/Ashlee Day!!

Yesterday, Ashlee and I had a fabulous time together. We thought it would be a great idea to give daddy a few hours off to do whatever he wanted to do after his doctor visit. We started our day off at Preschool Storytime up at brother's school. A nice lady read us "A Turkey for Thanksgiving" by Eve Bunting. It was a bit hard for her to stay still and listen to the entire story, but we made it through. THEN, our very 1st bear hunt! That was a ton of fun and LOVED the hand motions...speaking of hands, we later made lots of hand turkey cards "with paint" for people who don't have family for the holidays to say "Happy Thanksgiving".

We also got a chance to see brother at his school and he even shared some of his cafeteria food lunch. He didn't have to and I would tell Ashlee that we were going to go eat in a bit and he would say "that's OK, mom" as he would hand her the next bite.

After our farewells to brother, we headed off to our very first cooking class. We made "turkey tracks" together, dipped "pilgrim hats" {Ashlee's favorite}, and made "turkey sandwiches". The best part for her was eating her pilgrim hat. She even mentioned when we took off her apron, "look mommy, my pretty dress is still all clean!" {my favorite part}.

We then met up with Ms. Tina and headed for a shopping trip to Hobby Lobby, after of course, lunch at "Chik-ah-way"! It was a ton of fun for both of us and she was INCREDIBLE the entire day.

I'm so blessed to have a girl. I had a blast just the two of us. Nothing can replace a little girl who not only likes to cook with me, but shop with me as well!

"I love you, princess!" -Mommy